My Morning Musings |
10/20/2024 0 Comments We ALL know SOMEONE!Everyone Knows Someone... Seems simple right? Except it's not... People STILL have the illusion that domestic/family/intimate partner violence ONLY strikes "poor", "uneducated", "other", people.... It seems that DAILY we hear in the news about local celebrities, or revered business people or religious leaders that have been arrested for Gender Based Violence. About 25 years ago, before I EVER told anyone what was really happening in my home, my province was ending funding to many resources that helped women in crisis. At the time we didn't have social medial like today, we had email and that is how I shared the information with my contacts. This proved to be very enlightening to me, and impacted how I shared my situation with others in the future. I was working in social services at the time, helping women who had escaped family violence - rich or poor, they often ended up in my office with nothing. Part of the violence is coercive control - in these cases it included threats of taking their children; keeping the woman isolated so others couldn't discover what was truly happening in their lives; monitoring behaviour - which is so easy now; is controlling or jealous; threats to harm themselves, your children or pets - and so many other signs! I was able to identify those issues in my clients lives, but not mine. In fact, coercive control may NEVER be physically violent... until its too late! Coercive control demeans and breaks down a persons spirit, strength, confidence and can begin to make them feel THEY are the problem - They ARE NOT! This happens at EVERY level of society - regardless of income, status, race, age, religion, sexual orientation, and more... Coercive control is a pattern - it is not obvious at first but it slowly and methodically, changes the victim (typically women or those who identify as women but this can occur in any relationship.) So, when I sent this email out to my contacts and a family member responded with, "Stop sending me this sort of thing, I am not interested, it does not happen in my circle." Well, you can imagine how that made me feel - I felt hurt and broken, I believed that because I had less money - I deserved it, I felt like I could never speak up or ask for help because then everyone would know that it was my fault. At the time, although I was living with violence - it wasn't "often" or "all the time", and it was usually my fault because I did the wrong thing or said something that triggered him. I didn't know about coercive control, I didn't realize that I was being controled, I just knew life felt bad and I was always walking on eggshells, and working hard to protect my children, and just bear the brunt of it myself. (It doesn't work! The children are always affected, this affects their behaviour, growing up and mental health, etc.) I knew I couldn't speak up as this person made it clear - no one wants to hear about that! Now, we hear about cases regularly in the news - we hear people speak up with little to no knowledge about what was really going on - defend the perpretrator with statements like, "I never saw that, I only saw a loving caring husband." Or, "I only saw him being kind to her, what did she do to upset him?" OR "They seemed so happy." Or "That was not my experience with him/her." WHY WOULD IT BE? The person speaking up and defending the perpetrator is aiding and abetting the abuse. Yes, people are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, but let me tell you, the court does NOT always get it right! Research shows that the numbers of false claims are very low; in fact, what is deemed a false claim in some cases may be because coercive control is not recognized by police and therefore deemed false. What we do know is that only a small percentage of acts of gender based violence are even reported. When you read what I wrote, do you understand why people don't share or report? How can you help?
We can do better! We ALL KNOW SOMEONE! Questions? Concerns? Contact us! We're Here For You Canada
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Heather and I have been very active this month attending events, raising awareness and presenting what we do and my personal story during this month of November and Family Violence Prevention. We continue to shout from the rooftops - STOP THE SILENCE! END GENDER BASED VIOLENCE! We started day 1 - supporting Sanctuary House in Woodstock as they LIT THE NIGHT PURPLE to raise awareness and I, will end the last day presenting my full story at Intimate Partner Violence Forum hosted by Lisa Jonsson, Regional Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Coordinator, Fredericton. This event will be to police personnel, nurses, and those who work with survivors in the field. This work is important and exhausting. It is rewarding to see so many people put effort into attempting to ERADICATE and END this EPIDEMIC of Gender Based Violence. It is also exhausting to know that the numbers are rising - is there MORE violence or are we getting through to people and providing them with the encouragement to reach out for help? I think it is a combination. I was horrified to learn on November 1, 2023 at the light up, from the Woodstock Police Chief that the numbers of IPV reports had risen by 47% since January 1st! This is a SMALL town and in only 305 days, they had received 263 calls for help. At the same time, I am motivated to hear that 263 people had the COURAGE to call for help! We continue to work. We continue to attend events to spread the message - YOU ARE NOT ALONE! THERE IS HELP! And, we continue to provide supports to those who need it without any judgement. As we reach the 2nd year anniversary of the first day I started to really share my story, and to raise funds and supplies to support victims who are patients at the hospital emergency room after an examination, the need continues to grow. We are serving more hospitals, making more connections and have other provinces who need this program. The only way we can achieve that and break the ground work to make it easier to provide those supports - is to reach charitable non-profit status. We can't stop. We won't stop. Thank you all, for the support you have provided. Thank you for the opportunities to share. Thank you for the connections made. We are NOT done and we NEED to grow. However you can help, through our campaigns, attending events, following and sharing our social media accounts - it ALL matters. We are excited for 2024 and the growth we are having, the events for youth - to help them do better earlier and have increased opportunities to understand what healthy relationships are. Together - we CAN change the world! Much love, Sarah and Heather The past six weeks have been super busy! I tried to write an updated blog last week and didn't finish and now more has happened! I feel like I better type REALLY fast to get it out there! We have been SO busy! It is exciting and fun! However sometimes Heather and I are a bit exhausted due to working fulltime while we do the work! We wouldn't change it though! We love what we are doing and truly believe that it IS MAKING AN IMPACT! We have attended Networking Fairs at UNB Fredericton and Saint John Oct. 5th & 11th. The Take Back the Night Sisters in Spirit event at Tobique First Nation Oct. 4th. Built comfort kits with the Rotaract Club and their generous donations Oct. 12th. Attended the Best Western Shopping Extravaganza in Woodstock Oct. 20th. We have more planned for November so I will update you soon on that! It is Family Violence Prevention Month - so there will be presentations and events! Be sure to follow and share! We are incredibly grateful to the Forensic Nurse Examiners who support us and help us spread the word about the need to obtain medical treatment; the opportunity to get help and support and resources with an option to report to the police - not a requirement; and for attending events with us to help educate the public and raise awareness about physical and sexual violence. We are overwhelmed with the generosity and donations that the Rotaract Club of Woodstock gathered and made on our behalf! We received over $1600 in comfort kit items and gift cards. We had a wonderful evening assembling the kits with the group of men and women from our community while we shared more about what we do. THANK YOU ALL! We continue to work with and I sit on the RVCC River Valley Caring Communities Committee - they are in touch with what is happening and together we all work to raise awareness and eradicate intimate partner and sexual violence! I had several meetings this past month to help us move the work forward. In particular with Sarah Munn who is setting up a Sexual Violence Centre in Woodstock and we are excited to learn more and assist how we can! All of this is positive! Except, that we wish we were not needed and that none of us who work in the field had to specialize in this area. However, we are getting the word out; letting people know we exist and there is a need; and trying to create communities that are safer and where those who have been affected KNOW THEY CAN GET HELP! As part of this, we have several fundraisers going! We NEED to reach charitable non-profit status so that this can be a service that is ongoing! We are currently in three hospitals, URVH - Woodstock, DECH - Fredericton and SJRH - Saint John. In the next few weeks, we are reaching out to Moncton and Miramichi with kits and clothing and gift cards! Moncton is the fastest growing area of the province and we know they need our support! We have been speaking with OTHER provinces who want this available - it should be in EVERY hospital in our country! BUT it takes work - people and support! We believe that rather than every province raising the money to get non-profit and charitable status, that we can be an umbrella organization. We are MAKING the connections! We are getting interest! We are having VOLUNTEERS to do the work and sit on boards! Please HELP US REACH THIS GOAL! How can you help? 1) We are currently selling 100 Squares for $20 each - this will raise $2,000 and the winner gets 50% and we do as well! We will sell until Dec. 15th! What a great way to start the holidays! 2) Purchase some merchandise! We have these lovely winter beanies/toques/hats and a purple We're Here For You pen! For a $50 donation - you get both! Limited supplies! 3) Go to our website and make a donation for ANY amount you would like! 4) Make an e transfer and indicate what it is for! 5) Purchase ECO friendly items from either Tru Earth or Eco Collective and we receive 20% of the funds. 6) Place orders through our Amazon link - the items are all needed but the MOST needed items are packets of underwear - small, medium, large, xxlarge. They get mailed straight to us! All links are listed in above in 1 through 6. We will continue to do our part! Apply for grants, make presentations in the community, fundraise and let you know what is happening! Thank you for your time and please check out these fabulous photos from this fall! Peace and love, Sarah and Heather 9/20/2023 0 Comments Post Summer NewsI thought I should write a blog and update you all on our work, I then noticed I hadn't written one since May! My apologies for being distant! I have been running straight out since late May! I was very fortunate to be able to spend June in Nanaimo working remotely while helping my oldest child start her second business. Since then I have been on the road most of the summer on my other passion project - working to deliver education and awareness on environmental issues, climate change and electric vehicles. I wrapped up last week on the lovely Panmure Island, PEI - what an incredible place! We are back at it though! Heather and I attended the Take Back The Night Event (TBTN) in Woodstock, NB. This Friday we will be in Nackawic and we have other events to tell you about as well! You can read the story under our news heading or directly from the River Valley Sun. While preparing to speak at the TBTN I did a little research on the history of the event: Take Back The Night is the oldest worldwide movement to stand against sexual violence in all forms. The earliest activists protested the lack of safety for women, when walking down the street alone at night. Although we have come incredibly far, we still have so far to go! When we live in a world where EVERYONE can walk safely, we will know we are ALMOST there!
I believe that one way to achieve this goal is to educate all people, but particularly children, on what healthy relationships look like, what true consent in all aspects of our lives is and to love themselves. If we can do this, we create a community that has empathy, trust and considers the world around us versus our own selfish needs. When we care about people and understand the impact our actions have - we will all live better, healthier lives! Part of this is changing how we phrase things, such as "100 women were raped last month" to "75 men committed rape last month" we need to place the blame where it lies and help remove the stigma to those who have been injured and assaulted. I am pleased that we now use the term "Sexual Violence" instead of "Sexual Assault" as violence delivers more of the impact in the statement and assault can be seen to minimalize it. Part of this is what we are sharing when we educate the public as well as when we do age appropriate school presentations. We have received some funding YAY! So we will be providing comfort kits/etc. to Miramichi and Moncton! We are so excited to be in all the major Horizon Health hospitals. We would like to thank Horizon Health and Sexual Violence New Brunswick for our grants and to RVCC River Valley Caring Communities for the support in receiving grants until we can get our funding in place for the non-profit charitable status. Some events coming up:
Please stay tuned, watch what we are up to on Facebook or Instagram! I would like to thank ALL of the dedicated people who work with those who have been through sexual and intimate partner violence, in particular the Forensic Nurse Examiners who I have been working with. Without them being on board, this program would NOT exist! One last note! How can you help? We need to continue to raise independent funds so that we can become a non-profit and an umbrella organization to expand to the Atlantic provinces who would like to see these same services in their hospitals! Please check out our donations page and remember - your laundry and your house WON'T clean themselves, but you can do it environmentally safe and raising funds for us! EVERYDAY that you use our link - you pay the current price BUT we get a 20% donation from Tru Earth AND from Sept. 22-24th we get 30% of EVERY sale when you use our link! Please consider cleaning your house and helping us at the same time! AND in the next newsletter I will share another fundraising link along the same lines! Let's save people and the planet at the same time! I have been using these products for a couple of years and I LOVE IT! Reach out if you would like to connect or have us participate in an event! May is Sexual Assault Awareness Month - which is aptly being renamed Sexual Violence Awareness Month. This seems a good fit! Because what ISN'T violent about assault? Somewhat like we used to use the words "molested" or "interfered with" and so on... When we use words that better describe the act, it helps solidify in our minds that this is a crime and that the victim is NOT guilty of anything! This is what we are trying to convey to young people and adults - when we understand what a word or action really means - you can't unhear it! This has been a busy month! I am pleased to have been able to present to multiple age groups - grade 8 boys, youth 16 to 21 and young adults, 22 to 30! I am pleased that the audiences were so receptive and interactive, there is always a worry that they won't connect, but, I do believe we reached people, if even a little bit, this will change their future thinking. This week, I will be presenting to a group of elderly women - the youngest, may even be me! This is definitely a different group to speak to, but equally important! In previous generations, words like molested and interfered with, implied that the act was not as serious as the "sin" of the one injured. I must choose my words carefully, thoughtfully and approach this from a slightly different stand point. I will use my presentation (tweaked continuously for my audience) about Healthy Relationships, Setting Boundaries, Effective Communication and Consent. Stats Canada says that in 2019 there were more than 14,000 seniors who were victims of violence and of them, 599 were sexual assault. Now, knowing that less than 25% of sexual violence incidents are reported, and there are people in care homes who can't speak up, the likelihood is probably much higher. This will be a good time to talk about boundaries! I recently had two women attend a Zoom presentation, first woman was in her 50's and her mom was in her '80's and she "doesn't listen to that sort of thing", however, she left, with new thoughts and open to conversation, so wish me luck! If we can reach conservative women, in their 80's - that is so important! This may not change their lives much, but it can change how they think and see their children and grandchildren and help understand what they are going through. On Saturday, I got together with our local Forensic Nurse Examiner (FNE), Emily, from Upper River Valley Hospital and my administrative assistant, Heather, and we spent the day putting together comfort kits! These kits will be distributed to the 3 hospitals that we are currently supplying. We can't wait to be able to expand and consistently supply every hospital in the province, and beyond! Instead of sharing photos, I invite you to watch this 2 minute video to learn more about what we do, and why! I would especially like to thank Emily and Heather for giving up their long weekend Saturday and time with their families to help get'er done! You are all amazing! I am so honoured to be working with nurses who REALLY care about stopping gender based violence, serving the public with care, compassion, empathy and no judgement. I hope you and your families have had a great long weekend! I certainly have! If you would like to assist in anyway, please reach out! Together, we CAN change the world! I would like to thank NB Lung - Poumon NB for the generous donations of t shirts, folders, mugs, water bottles, pens and pads! Due to their rebranding we were able to accept items they could no longer use. Trust that these will go a LONG way to supporting the patients we serve!
I would like to thank Lift: The Bra Project NB for again generously donating almost 40 sports bras to our kits! This is an incredible service that helps so many in our community! I would like to thank the L.P. Fisher Public Library - Bibliothèque publique for the space and time to meet and assemble our kits! This is a rural province and we need to find safe, central free locations to meet at! We are very grateful! I would like to thank the Rotaract Club of Woodstock for their support in gathering donations - we have finally used them all up! As well for the fundraising you have done on our behalf! We hope to work together again! We would like to thank Kim Pearson and the #emmaspjs for the donations! I would like to thank Lori Campbell and Campbell's Towing & Auto Sales/Service for agreeing to be a donation drop off location! We would like to thank RVCC River Valley Caring Communities for supporting us and helping us further our work! We thank so many people who help us out! It takes a long time to gather donations and supplies and a lot of lifting and storage space! That is why we have come up with some simpler ways to fundraise and for you to donate! Please check out our donation page on our website www.werehereforyou.ca Easy ways to help while you scroll on your FB or iPad! You can ask for more info via DM! (we LOVE gift cards too!) I am thrilled to say our calendar has been booked and busy this month! I keep wanting to say this is a month end report, when in fact, we are only half way through the month! We have been hard at work, actively working to raise awareness about gender based violence, sexual assault and intimate partner violence. As of today, we have made three presentations - all in the past week and all focused on youth. I was able to present to a group of 60 grade 8 boys from several schools last week - we did this as our project but with the RVCC - River Valley Caring Communities group in Woodstock. We also completed our Love Shouldn't Hurt (LSH) Champion Training and we held a forum for youth/young adults in Marysville, NB - working with the LSH and Graduate Student Association of UNB to host two interactive forums. The events were well received and we created new partnerships and networking. Our goals are to reduce and eradicate gender based violence and we believe that through sharing stories, and educating youth on what healthy relationships look like; how to communicate effectively; having a clearer understanding of what consent means, and learning to have self-love, that they will have greater success in life! I believe that sharing strategies for success, understanding how to identify RED flags and GREEN flags that people can recognize sooner and express more clearly what they accept in their lives. I am going to share a video here that was impactful and an easy way to share with young people what consent means. I would love to get your feedback on that! We still have half of the month left! We need donations and support to continue our work! We are actively applying for grants to expand and multiply our project as we know it is very important! Please consider helping us! We have a donation drive this week! If you are in Woodstock, NB you can donate at Campbell's Auto and Towing - we will pick up donations on Saturday morning, May 20th before we get together to pack and assemble the kits! If you are in Fredericton and Saint John, please contact me to arrange pick up as I will be in both cities this month! Currently our need is great for just about everything! I invite you to follow the link to the HOW YOU CAN HELP page and the DONATIONS page if you would like to make a financial donation! We also have an Amazon Wish List which you can order from, use for ideas or reach out with your ideas! We plan to assemble kits on Saturday, May 20, 2023 at the LP Fisher Library from 2 to 5pm! Feel free to join us! It is fun, important and appreciated - by us, the nursing staff and especially the patients who have had the courage and strength to reach out for help at an incredibly traumatic time! Thanks for sharing the love and spreading the word! TOGETHER WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD!
I am so excited to announce that we (Heather and I) at We're Here For You - have been trained as Love Shouldn't Hurt Champions and we are hosting with the UNB Grad Students, a FREE INTERACTIVE event for youth age 16-21 and young adults aged 22+ on Friday, May 12th in Fredericton, NB! This event will have 2 sessions - one for each age group and we will talk about ways to create self-love via effective communication, setting healthy boundaries, understanding consent in all aspects of our lives and ways to empower ourselves to have relationships that are rewarding and knowing what to do when they are not! This free event will be held at "The Ville - Gathering 241" in Fredericton, there is plenty of parking, it is an open event but we would love to know if you plan to attend! We have some amazing speakers, health and wellness information tables and light refreshments! The intention is personal empowerment for our youth - who couldn't benefit from that!? Feel free to SHARE and to MESSAGE or email me for more details! How do we create change? We change the messaging we put out, we teach the skills to make our young people more resilient and empowered! Creating and maintaining healthy relationships, learning to set healthy boundaries, understanding consent, being able to identify red flags and creating self-love - this is how we change the world! OUR YOUTH ARE THE FUTURE! We have an amazing line up of speakers, activities and health and wellness information! This past month has been a whirlwind! We started April 1st with a beautiful, thoughtful and fabulous fundraiser to help provide more comfort kits to patients. Vitality Massage in Woodstock, NB hosted their 1 year anniversary and chose our cause as their recipient for donations made for services that day. This day allowed us to share more about what we do, offer opportunities to the public to support us and gain recognition locally for the project and the need, which always helps! The River Valley Sun came down and interviewed us, which we are grateful for as it lets more people know about the needs in our community. Thank you all! We continue to raise awareness, make presentations to community groups - such as the Unifor UNB group this past week and to share the local resources that help those in need after sexual assault and intimate partner violence. We even had the opportunity to speak to a women's group in Maine at their Tuesday Forum - fun fact - we had a nurse from NB present! She was very supportive of the program as well! Together, we can all create change, share knowledge, skills and abilities and help transform the lives of those around us! We took this past weekend and the opportunity to celebrate the amazing work done by the staff at Liberty Lane - the gala was beautiful, fun and helped educate many more people on the needs of women in our community! Watching the work and legacy that Alyson Pizzey has built over the past 30 years was inspirational! I was happy to treat myself and my new administrative support, Heather Neilson, to a night at the beautiful Delta hotel, attend a classy event all dressed up for a change and dance the night away to the Jenn Russell band! I have to say I am glad to be back to work to be able to afford to treat Heather for her work and get to share in this milestone. (I add that to remind that all we do is volunteer and the funds we raise all go to the project! Our personal services we fund ourselves and we LOVE what we do - but we wish it wasn't necessary!) Heather and I dreamed of the future, the day we can say that we have created a project that serves those in need immediately; that offers them supports to regain some dignity and respect after a life altering experience; to provide tools for the Forensic Nurse Examiners (FNE) that enables them to provide their patients with their basic needs in ways the hospital is unable to; and to know that one day - the world will be able to talk openly, without shame on the victim! We continue to do the work, apply for grants, share the message and raise funds for comfort kits, gift cards, new clothing and other essential needs for patients who see the FNE. If you would like to help, donate or learn more, please check out our website! So get out your 2051 calendars and put the date Dec 1 on it! We plan to celebrate and again thank you all for your continued support, encouragement and vision on how WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD! When I started this project, about a year and a half ago, I floundered and wanted to do something to help those affected by Sexual Assault and Intimate Partner Violence - I didn't want to replicate the wheel! I contacted my community first, Sanctuary House in Woodstock, Sexual Violence New Brunswick, in Fredericton and the local hospitals to me - Upper River Valley in Waterville, NB and the Dr. Edwards Chalmer Hospital in Fredericton. I was advised that what I was suggesting was met in part but required more "steps" to make it happen - not all aspects of the "comfort kits, clothing and gift cards" were currently being met. The Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner at the time, Lisa Jonsson spoke with me and was very encouraging and helpful! Together, the agencies and I, as well as the nurse examiner coordinator, Lisa - talked about how this might be different. As I have said before, I thought this may be a "one off" project - Giving Day Tuesday, Christmas, "help others." I quickly realized that it would be a valued resource and that it was assisting the Forensic Nurse Examiner (FNE - new program name) to help meet the needs of their patients in a respectful, timely way. The patients and the nurse - together would discuss needs and use the supplies to meet them. This has all grown and the goal is now to meet all the hospitals in this provinces needs as well as to expand throughout Atlantic Canada - and beyond?! Of course it quickly got to be a lot for one person to handle - I'll be honest I LOVE the people part, the fundraising, speaking, spreading the word and sharing resources, but my actual "paperwork and budgeting" end of things was my least favourite task! In order to do something well, you have to do it right! That is why it has been slow to grow but we have been offered the opportunity to apply for grants and we have started to do so! I am so grateful for the community support, interest, partnerships and NOW... I am SUPER grateful to announce that the talented Heather Neilsen has signed on as my Administrative Support - Grant Writer and Keeping me on BUDGET! WELCOME HEATHER! I am so glad to have you on board! Do you know that in 2 weeks of joining Heather already has multiple grants on the go and getting ready to send out? Yes, being a lone wolf, it is HARD to ask for help - but this isn't about me! This is about helping all of those in our province and beyond that need IMMEDIATE supports that require zero barriers beyond meeting with the local FNE! Heather is helping this work continue and prosper! I am so excited to introduce her to people, partners, community groups, etc. She is doing this as a side project - we all understand that! She has jumped right in and with HER SUPPORT AND HARD WORK - we plan to create our official non-profit with charitable status! Baby steps... we are getting there! I have so much more to announce, but that is for another day! Please join me in welcoming Heather! You can email her at: [email protected] regarding anything to do with grants! She is on it! Having Heather allows me to update the website, add the agencies, get the print work ready for distribution and oh so much more! We are actively seeking financial contributions to create more comfort kits! We are currently at the URVH, DECH and SJRH (Saint John Regional Hospital). Time to stop! Send me your links! I will be sending out another blog/newsletter later in the week! Have a great weekend, thank you for your support and you'll be hearing from me soon! Sarah Sherman Founder/Program Coordinator When you go through experiences in your life that are traumatic - you wonder WHY? |
Sarah Sherman - Founder of We're Here For You - Comfort Kit ProjectThe founder of this project, Sarah Sherman, felt compelled to help other women, children and young men - who find themselves seeking help after a sexual assault. From personal experience, Sarah knows the trauma of having to get help from the RCMP, going to the ER and the devastating experience of having to undergo a rape kit from a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE) which can take several hours. The nurses are amazing, but nothing makes it feel any better. At the end of the exam, Sarah recalled what it was like to put on clothing that did not fit right, was inappropriate for herself and to walk out of the room with nothing. She wanted to do something that would make this recovery a little bit less intimidating for the next person. She hoped to help provide them with some dignity, respect and equality as they make their way through what will inevitably be a long journey of working through justice, healing and recovery. |
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