December - The Happiest Time of The Year! Or is it?

Exhausted but feeling GOOD!

1967 My Second Christmas

During the month of November, we focused on the prevention of family violence. We are now in December, now what? We are almost half way through the 16 days of activism against gender based violence. So, let's talk a bit more about that! We know that Christmas/Holidays/Winter - are the "Happiest Time Of The Year", at least according to the media!

Is it the happiest time of the year for families in poverty? Who are without homes? Who live in isolation and have no support system? For those suffering from Mental Health and Addictions? For those who are living in an unsafe, violent situation? For kids who see others "with perfect families and money" and they don't have it? No, no, it isn't. 

What it does do, is add extra stress to lives that are already stressed to the max! The holidays make us have to "fake" being happy or normal or "in love" with our partners. Christmas was always a stressful time for me. Even as a kid, I loved and hated it at the same time, well, I was a kid, so mostly I loved it! I was lucky and loved and although we had many years where money was tight, Mom always made us gifts, baked food and decorated the house with us. I hated the Christmas tree and still don't like it much. Why?

At home, we would have a great day, go up into the woods, toboggan, slide down hills, select a tree, have a fire and hot chocolate, often with our extended family. It was idyllic. I hated putting it up though. I seem to remember my parents would argue, the tree would fall down, us kids would fight about decorations and it just left me feeling a bit sad... that is until the lights were turned on, my favourite part!

Later, in my home, my spouse would always get angry trying to get the tree to stay in the stand, he would yell, become irate and just make me wish it was done already. I didn't get the decorations right, I wasn't helpful enough, I was lazy, etc... It made me put it off as long as possible every year. Even as my kids grew, I tried to keep it fun and let them decorate however they liked, because I never liked being told I did it wrong. Yes, occassionally I would adjust some of it later, but I don't think they noticed, since I was discreet.

During the holidays stress increases, we see people we normally wouldn't have, attend parties, there is more drinking and more unsafe driving... We all know "don't drink and drive" but when your partner is violent and drinking, it is dangerous to say no, even when you know better. We know that statistically family violence, sexual assaults and suicide increase during this time of year.

Statistics Canada shows that violence has increased annually for the fifth year in a row. Canada has been tasked to bring forward a call to action to: “formally declare intimate partner violence as an epidemic.” So although, many of us will be having a quieter Christmas due to the economy, the price of fuel, and the rising cost of living, remember that others, are having a simpler Christmas due to isolation, poverty and abuse and while they wish it was quiet, it will likely be even more volatile "during the season." 

I had the opportunity this week to make two presentations to share the project and my story. The first was via Video/Teams to a group of Forensic Nurse Examiners (FNE) who work with patients who have come to the Emergency Room - after intimate partner violence, family violence and/or sexual assault. The second presentation was longer and in person to a variety of shareholders in the community of Fredericton who work  in the field - first responders, nurses, social workers and those providing aftercare and resources, such as safe houses, counseling, etc. It was an incredible experience, I was honoured to share my experience with people who do the work. I adapt the content a little each time, to keep it fresh, relative and pertinent to the audience. 

It is exhausting. The first presentation was about 40 minutes, plus questions and the second, in person was about an hour, plus speaking individually to people afterward. Each time, I was anxious to present, appreciative of the response, exhilarated by the endorphins ripping through me, and grateful to be here, to share my story and help others. I worry that I am talking too long, sharing too much or not enough to make sense; am I getting my point across; did I use enough visuals; am I connecting with the audience? It is always good to speak to peole, to realize how many people have been there, or who will look at what they do differently, with a "new lens." I guess these are natural concerns during a presentation and no matter what, I am always glad to have been able to be there.

I would like to thank the FNE  Coordinator, Lisa from the DECH in Fredericton. Lisa has championed me on this cause for the past year and together we are navigating the best way to work together and help the patients in need. I look forward to future presentations if requested and hope that one day, this will no longer be necessary.

Thank you to all who have listened to me this week, who provided feedback and especially for the donations given to me yesterday, to buy more gift cards! We shall continue on! I am going to try to add my little video to this post, I was still flying from the talk but fading fast!

THANK YOU for your ongoing support! 

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